...decisions, decisions, decisions...

Ten month in foreign land is a long time. Especially living in somebody house and not need to think of anything else but work was nice break from reality. Now I am home, still need get used on some things, I am not same person anymore and still having mixed feelings about Croatia and England. I look same and I didn’t lose my stupid stubborn attitude but somehow I feel like I don’t fit in here but I don’t quite know where I fit. One of my fears was that I will just continue to live old life, like nothing happen. Maybe is now too early to say, but it seems like my fear comes truth. It is hard to be different person, Jesus disciple in same old surrounding.

On the way home I had good plan: first to take entrance exam for the University and of course pass it and then in autumn go to Zagreb and study it next four years. In the meantime I would spent this summer on the island of Pag in beautiful place called Novalja, where I worked pervious four summer, working there as a waitrosse again. That would be ideally for me. But somehow things went wrong and instead I didn’t pass the exam, I work the most boring job you can find – Souvenir shop (except maybe warehouse, sorry Kristin :). At least I have good boss and I am in Novalja. But even there I can find remark; I live with friend of mine and she took the noisiest apartment in the whole place. My window not just have view on the one of busiest roads here but it’s located on the ground floor on the very edge of the road, basically my bed and the road are divided just with 50cm tick wall. Am I just lucky!!! But I guess I can always sleep on the beach.

Back to my plans, which by the way I haven’t got the reserved plan.

Once again I am confronted with so many decisions. Where to live, what to do, who to date, what to do for my parents and brothers, and what to do for others… These decisions are very important and I don’t know how to deal with them so I often let them decide alone. But I struggle even with small things like which postcard to choose. Sometimes I think if we don’t have choice it would be better, easier life, no decisions to make. Can you imagine that!! Sometimes this thinking leads me back in past, thinking that if Adam and Eve didn’t have choice we will all be happy people today. I know that it isn’t easy like that, or it is?! But we never can’t learn how to choose always right thing, I can even see myself wakening for 30 years and looking back on my life thinking what a waste.

My Christians friends would say just have patience and ask God for help, and He will tell you. Is it easy like that? Why is it that he doesn’t talk with me? I would be very happy to do it His way; it would take the trouble of making bad decision from my back! So God, friends, whoever… all suggestions welcomed!