Memories and slow trains

The other day when I was taking a train from Zagreb to Rijeka
and back, my mp3 was out of battery (don't know how that
happened when I had charged it all night, me and technology
again!?), the only book that I had with me was the Bible and the
journey was endless.  And to all who don't know, I have a very vivid
imagination and I am very nostalgic as well.  All the way I was
recalling my childhood memories. There is a book that I have wanted
to read since high school, Proust - Combray.  I started it and I loved
it, but then I had other things to do and I never got back to it.
Anyway, there is a famous passage when he, as an adult, has a cup of
tea and when he dunks that French cake called a Madeleine into the tea,
the taste of the cake melting under his tongue takes him back to his
childhood and the next few pages are all about that.  Don't know why
many people find that boring?! :)  I love it because I can identify with
that,I understand how he must have been feeling then.  Numerous times
in my life smells, tastes, shapes, things, gestures... make me feel the
same.

Even though trains in Croatia are very slow and very rarely on time, I
prefer to travel that way; not just because they are much cheaper than
buses but also because of the intimacy of the compartment.  Chatting with
random people is something that takes me back to my past. And as is
well known, the past is always the best, maybe because we have already
gone through it or, in this particular case, because it brings back my
happiest memories of times that I spent with my family. In the village
where we lived there are just 500 inhabitants now and things there never
change.  If you didn't have a car there the only way you could come and go
was by train.

So all you in the western world where the infrastructure was developed
many years ago and who now travel in a fast underground or a train crammed
with people, but still travel alone trying to avoid any possible eye contact
with a stranger, I think you are missing out on something.

I am not a modest person and I have many wishes in life and one of my
wishes related to this subject is to take a journey on the Trans-Siberian
Railway. 15 days in an old style train, sharing a compartment with all kinds
of people, seeing such different places from what I am used to, and all
the wonders of nature there.
Ooh!!

...decisions, decisions, decisions...

Ten month in foreign land is a long time. Especially living in somebody house and not need to think of anything else but work was nice break from reality. Now I am home, still need get used on some things, I am not same person anymore and still having mixed feelings about Croatia and England. I look same and I didn’t lose my stupid stubborn attitude but somehow I feel like I don’t fit in here but I don’t quite know where I fit. One of my fears was that I will just continue to live old life, like nothing happen. Maybe is now too early to say, but it seems like my fear comes truth. It is hard to be different person, Jesus disciple in same old surrounding.

On the way home I had good plan: first to take entrance exam for the University and of course pass it and then in autumn go to Zagreb and study it next four years. In the meantime I would spent this summer on the island of Pag in beautiful place called Novalja, where I worked pervious four summer, working there as a waitrosse again. That would be ideally for me. But somehow things went wrong and instead I didn’t pass the exam, I work the most boring job you can find – Souvenir shop (except maybe warehouse, sorry Kristin :). At least I have good boss and I am in Novalja. But even there I can find remark; I live with friend of mine and she took the noisiest apartment in the whole place. My window not just have view on the one of busiest roads here but it’s located on the ground floor on the very edge of the road, basically my bed and the road are divided just with 50cm tick wall. Am I just lucky!!! But I guess I can always sleep on the beach.

Back to my plans, which by the way I haven’t got the reserved plan.

Once again I am confronted with so many decisions. Where to live, what to do, who to date, what to do for my parents and brothers, and what to do for others… These decisions are very important and I don’t know how to deal with them so I often let them decide alone. But I struggle even with small things like which postcard to choose. Sometimes I think if we don’t have choice it would be better, easier life, no decisions to make. Can you imagine that!! Sometimes this thinking leads me back in past, thinking that if Adam and Eve didn’t have choice we will all be happy people today. I know that it isn’t easy like that, or it is?! But we never can’t learn how to choose always right thing, I can even see myself wakening for 30 years and looking back on my life thinking what a waste.

My Christians friends would say just have patience and ask God for help, and He will tell you. Is it easy like that? Why is it that he doesn’t talk with me? I would be very happy to do it His way; it would take the trouble of making bad decision from my back! So God, friends, whoever… all suggestions welcomed!

Dinner at Bernie and Jean's

In this photo from left to right: Kristin, Becca, Torgeir, Rich, Jean, Bernie and me taking the picture. Jean said that I am now like a kid with a new toy!

It was a delicious dinner! We had a starter, lasagna for the main course and a dessert. Yummy!!! Back home from time to time I used to make lunch for my friends, they always liked my lasagna but I never liked to make it because it is too much work. So Jean's effort was really appreciated! Also we heard many interesting stories about how a coal miner became a children's worker.

Best birthday ever

It’s the week after and, although I’m still recovering from the shock of the surprise party which took place on 3rd May at Sharon’s, I am able to give you a short report.

Well, believe it or not, I am quite a shy girl who doesn’t like much attention, so that’s part of the reason why I never celebrate my birthday and the other part is that since I was a little girl in our family we never celebrated birthdays, so I didn’t get into that habit.
However, turning 24, I had my first surprise party and the main culprit was my lovely Irish friend Sharon and her helpers in the crime were my other lovely friends Becca and Rich. I thought that the four of us would have a quiet dinner. First I went to Becca and Rich’s for a glass of champagne and then we went to Sharon’s together, but when I opened the door what I found there was anything but a quiet dinner. A bunch of people singing Happy Birthday! O man!!! Sensible as I am, I burst into tears, but with the help of a cocktail I recovered quickly. Almost everyone in London who means something to me was there, which tells me that Sharon is a good listener and a good liar. I didn’t have a clue that she was planning something! She manages to be excused because she gave me the latest book by my hero – Tony Campolo. :)

All this brought me down to earth once again! Just before the party, in my usual mood, I was moaning to Martin and Annette how I and my life were miserable. Being blessed with such friends who like and care about me I ought to be grateful and happy!

Thank you to all you guys who participated in one way or another and thanks for all the lovely cards! I really enjoyed it!


Weymouth

That wasn’t all! On Saturday, my actual birthday, Martin and Annette took me to Weymouth – a beautiful English town on the coast. Knowing my love for the sea, they wanted to treat me and, as if it wasn’t enough, they gave me a brand new digital camera. Wow, what a family I have! We visited Martin’s father and his friend Sheila who spoilt us over those two days.
The day was absolutely perfect – sunny; we had lunch in the garden, a few meters from the sea, literally; then we went for a walk; enjoyed a glass of champagne; had a light dinner then went to bed totally happy and knackered. :)

I got many cards with beautiful messages and some really nice gifts. I felt special and I think I will remember my 24th birthday always!

Paris again

As I said in the previous blog I went to Paris again but this time it was spring and in the company of my team mates. And also as I promised you and myself I climbed the Eiffel Tower. It was a demanding task; a couple of hours queuing but in the company of Miko - a man of few words and my Croatian friend Davorka - a woman of far too many words:)). Time just flew by.

The weather was fantastic so we spent most of our time outside, exploring Paris.
The purpose of our trip was work, not holiday as you might think!
We met two volunteers in Paris who are part of the same program U-turn; we had a look at what they are doing. The other reason was to participate in a Camp for leaders. The Camp was located two hours’ drive from Paris in the forest, in the middle of nowhere, which was excellent. It is nice sometimes go away, take a break from the everyday rush.

Below you can see pics from the camp! Isn't it just beautiful?!




This whole “adventure” took nine days and for me it’s always nice to go somewhere, but after being seven months in England, I had started feeling at home there and during that time I had never been away for more than 4 days. So I was really looking forward to coming back to London. Also I realise how hard it will be for me to leave in June, even though I complain a lot! I have the feeling I might miss London more than I miss Croatia now.

The other thing that makes me sad is the state of the church in France. It is quite similar to Croatia. In both countries the Protestant church is in the minority and I felt a lack of spirituality and that people are not very open to change. Many people wear Lutheran crosses; so that everybody can see which denomination they belong to, as if that is important in the Church of Christ. Once again I felt blessed to be part of St. Stephens.
But still, it seems that things are getting better there. They have very good outreach amongst young people with the mission organisation - MIJI, through different activities that they organise, such as camps, sports events etc.


Missionary meeting

Straight after Paris we headed towards Hoddesdon were we had our MM. We stayed two nights in a conference centre there. The place is huge, really pretty, with a nice garden, so nice that it made me get up before breakfast and go jogging. I dare to say that the food was very good considering that was English! I ate too much!

We were a group of 16 missionaries/volunteers from Paris, Norway and London and three French pastors’ kids. We worshipped, prayed, shared our reports and experiences, had teaching and played a few games. They were a good couple days!

On the right is a photo of the group of us at Hoddesdon and on the left are two ladies who were our hosts in Paris.

In the meantime...

These days I identify with Asterix – the only cartoon I continued to watch as an adult. In the cartoon before something drastic is about to happen they always say “Meanwhile...” That’s when the daily life of the inhabitants in a small Gallic village is described: Asterix flirting, Obelix continuing to care for the obelisks, the druid, Getafix, researching different herbs… life goes on! Then all of a sudden there is the war, chaos and then all goes back to normal again.

I am not sure why I like this cartoon, maybe because it is classified as a historical comedy so I can say that it is a way to improve my general knowledge and it is funny too. :))

Anyway, to draw a parallel – in September when I arrived here it was all very exciting, everything was new, I didn’t know a single person here and I had never worked in a church before. It sounds frightening but for me it was also challenging; I have learned a lot and am still learning, I have had good and bad moments, I have met lots of different people. After 7 months here, I find myself in a routine again; day after day, week after week just repeating the same things. This Saturday I am going to France with some team mates; not sure what we will do there, but any change is a good change. When I come back to England I will have just over two months left which I am certain will fly by. Having to think about what to do next year, entertaining some friends who will come to visit me and maybe being given some new tasks in the summer term will contribute to that.

So what have I been up to in the meantime?!
Well, I can’t say that I wasn’t looked after. Our boss, Sarah took us to Oxford. We spent a day there walking around, sneaking into the college gardens; it’s a university town and it seems a nice place to study. I thought it was very pretty, with the charm of Italian towns.
I also started dancing classes – never danced before but I love it; for 28 days I didn’t eat any sugar – it was a real struggle because I have a sweet tooth; finally started jogging regularly – which I am very proud of; read a couple of books; hooked on Tony Campolo’s talks. That is about it!

These photos show Oxford! Little bit of culture...


...and non culture....


Sometimes it sounds as if I’m complaining; maybe I do complain but I like life as it is – a circle, now and then broken.

My guardian angels

I feel as if I should share this with the whole wide world!
It has been five and a half months since I’ve been in England and working for St. Stephens, and I have learnt a lot and seen very different church practice from in my country. What I didn’t know before and I was never taught in my religious studies classes or in my home church is that we as Christians are able to have a relationship with our God. Relationship – we all know what that means. We all have some kind of relationship with our families, friends or boyfriends/girlfriends. So we can agree that it works both ways, you give and receive. It is the same with God! He talks to us, all we need to do is to expect, to listen and to recognize His voice.

I kind of believed this but was still very sceptical and frustrated because I had come to a Church where people had a relationship with God and all this seemed very normal for them. I had the feeling that God didn’t want to speak to me and that I didn’t belong here. Until I recognised His voice! I learnt that He often speaks in a still small voice or through other people. It happened like this for me!

When I was at the TNT weekend away we broke into small groups and than we were supposed to listen to God and pray one for another. I felt uncomfortable because this was very new for me and I didn’t hear anything. But one girl got for me the very well known Psalm of David, Psalm 23:

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

This has always been one of my favourite passages in the Bible. But of course my sceptical and suspicious nature told me that it was just a famous Psalm and that it didn’t speak to me.
Then a couple of months later out of the blue I got a letter from a friend of mine with this drawing.

In case you don’t realise she has written a verse from Ps 23. in Croatian.
Again I thought the same! It was just coincidence! But later on when I was preparing the devotions for my team mates with my mentor she mentioned, guess what? Ps23!?
Even though I am a tough nut I had a chat with her about it and realized that all this time God had been trying to speak to me and I had been refusing to hear. All these people have been Christians for a long time and they know the Bible well and they could have chosen any verse.
It was just what I needed! God’s comfort, words from Him telling me that I am not alone.

Just to clarify for those who don’t know about my life:
From the age of 7 I lived in a Children’s home together with about 60 other kids aged from 3 to 18. Then during the last five years I moved around a lot, but I always felt that I was not alone and I made friends easily and during my life there have been various people looking after me. Practically nobody brought me up but I turned out well. I hope! :) You can call this coincidence but I acknowledge that it was God guarding me. It is generally thought that to build a friendship takes years but my experience tells me that when Jesus is my friend I don’t need to be afraid of loneliness. Things just happen in the best way!

Maybe this is strange for you and I find it hard to speak about because I am afraid that people will think I am mad or fanatical; but as our worship pastor said people thought Jesus was a fanatic. So I think I can cope with it!

I would like introduce you to some of my guardian angels as I like to think of them!

Melanie and Vlado are a lovely couple from Croatia. She is a pastor in my home church in Rijeka and he is a lawyer to be, a technology fanatic and hot Simpson’s fan. Strange combination, I know! He cannot always solve my computer problems and sometimes I need to fill their fridge but they will always give me a warm home and chat with me.

Becca and Rich are another lovely couple but from England. She works in the church office and he is an editor. Becca likes good food and Gordon Ramsay; he likes cycling. Both are very passionate Christians and active in the church. I have known them for 5 and a half months and to be honest I didn’t find it very easy to get on with Becca at first, but now I love them and feel as if I have known them for ever. She can tell by my attitude when I am not ok. Sometimes I pop into their flat but I don’t always get offered chocolate or their full attention, which I would certainly expect from British people but they always listen and give support!

My host family Martin and Annette who I wrote about in my first blog (http://rada-albatros.blogspot.com/2006/10/hello-everybody.html) are like a real family to me: supportive, caring and they often counsel me. I have quite a definite point of view and they help me to see things from a different angle, more objectively.

Pastor Luke is a very unusual pastor who likes jewellery (he has pierced ears), has a huge tattoo, never wears robes, may not be big in height but has a big serving heart. He is always ready to help, sincere but kind. I wish I could have some of his characteristics.

There are many more but those at the moment are the closest and I don’t want to bore you.

The beauty of the countryside

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him the son of man that you care for him? Ps 8: 3-4

On Boxing Day I went to Cornwall for a few days together with the Duffys. It was just what I needed after 4 months work and all the Christmas busyness; a peaceful place on the coast. The sea is for me very important and I always think that if someone told me that I could choose a place to live, anywhere in the world, my only wish is that it should be on the coast. Warm weather and mild winters are desirable but not necessary! :)
The Cornish coast is beautiful, wild and dramatic; nothing like in Croatia!!! Also there are tides - high tide when there is not much beach and low tide when there is lots of sand.

The company was excellent and the days passed quickly. During the day we walked on the cliffs where the only noise that we could hear was the crashing of the waves, looking around the nearest towns, surfing and unavoidable browsing in the shops and doing shopping at which Martin was the hottest. In the evenings we gathered together and played some party games and chatted. It was very relaxing!

The other thing that I like about Cornwall is that when you are there it seems as if modernisation hasn’t reached there. Even though it is the most popular place for holidays in Britain they are still without a motorway, the coast area is not so built up,
there are no big apartment buildings, you need do your shopping for supper at the old fashioned family butcher… In some ways it seems that time stops when you are there, at least in the winter.

I needed to take this picture of the old manual scale. I found it in one of the local shops there. It reminds me of my childhood. Until I was 7 years old I lived in a small village where the fruit
man came in his van a few times a week, honking while he drove down the street and stopping in front of people’s houses selling fruit and vegetables. The manual scale was the main part of his equipment.

This is just a cute photo of a doctor's surgery that Andy took.

St. Stephens is a church with 600 members and it is impossible to know all of them: so I am especially glad that Andy, one of the worship leaders came with us and I had the chance to get to know him better. I discovered that he is more than a pretty face. :) He is a wonderful man – funny, caring, patient, relaxed, godly… Only I wish that his politeness wouldn’t stop him being frank when need be.

A bit of everything...

I realise that you can’t live in Britain and not talk about the weather. Why?? Lately I have been lucky enough to experience all the beauty of the British weather - changeable and foggy; it makes you notice the sunny days. I like to sleep with the curtains open, because I like it when, ideally, the sun or at least the daylight wakes me up. But for days the only thing that I can see from my window is grey sky and it stays like this the whole day. It makes me feel like staying in bed. This scene reminds me of my favourite Elvis Presley song – In the ghetto. The song starts like this: “Cold and grey Chicago morning…” it is a very good song but quite depressing.
Anyway as they said “After the rain comes the sun.” and I won’t complain anymore because the weather is improving.

Christmas was amazing here!!! As in my country, there is a lot of food, but the whole atmosphere is very different. It seems that Christmas here lasts longer. This is good in many ways because it gives you enough time to celebrate with everyone: friends, colleagues, families.
The church with all the candles and the decorations looked beautiful. The carol services were well done and moving. I don’t know how to explain but I was very happy to be part of all this.
I was involved in all the church preparations and parties from the beginning of December so by Christmas Day I was really fed up and I couldn’t wait to finish it. On Christmas Day I helped with the Christmas lunch for people on their own, together with Martin and Annette. That was nice but I didn’t have any more will and I was just thinking about my holiday in Cornwall where I was going on Boxing Day. So I believe for those people I wasn’t very good company, which I feel bad about. But you can’t blame me! :)

CHRISTMAS EVE – after the midnight service, which was great, we opened presents. In the photo above I am posing next to the Christmas tree in my Parisian boots which were a present also.

I was brought up in a small village near the farm where my dad used to work. I have seen all the domestic animals: pigs, cows, chickens, horses etc. I have seen and helped also with growing vegetables.
I didn’t think that this was a big deal until recently when I was at one lunch friends my age hadn’t ever seen what horseradish and beetroot look like. They think that those vegetables grow in jars! Of course the part about the jars is a joke. But still I feel lucky knowing that I was able to participate in milking the cows, collecting the eggs, picking the beetroot…

I can see future generations of pupils going into a museum to see all those things, or maybe what is even more popular thematic weekends on the topic “The life of our ancestors!”