London, Tokyo, Dubrava…

When I came back home after all my trips abroad a friend said to me: London, Tokyo, Dubrava… Where did it all go wrong?
In fact, where did it all go wrong or has it? Is it that I don’t see returning home in the best light, that I regard living in a part of town which is not the best one as a step down? Or is it just a step on the way up? How many times do you find yourself at a crossroads, because it seems to me that every path I choose leads only to the next crossroads? Will I ever choose a straight road? That’s how I am; full of questions but too few answers, always in the throes of decision-making.

However if I think more positively it has been a valuable experience, I have met a lot of nice people, seen different places and got to know different cultures. Anyway, that’s how people see it. I often wonder why I see only the negative side of it. Whenever memories of past times come up, it just makes me feel sad. The bad times are over and I am happy about that, but the good times are over too and I hate thinking about that. Often I think of people I met and liked, but for some reason I will not see them again and I miss them.

It is easier to look back on life; one can recall one’s ups and downs. I am happy with how things have developed in my life, but I often wonder how it would be if I had chosen a different path. If I had stayed at home, surrounded by the same people all my life, I could have had strong and deep relations with friends and would have been happy, as I would not have wondered how it might have been, because I wouldn’t have experienced anything else. Everything so ordinary, easy, in a way, romantic, how lovely!

In this respect, I don’t regret anything I have done, but keep thinking of ways to prolong my journey. Whatever decision I make I know/hope it isn’t the final one. I have seen a lot of things, but equally I have become aware of how much more I haven’t seen. So many contradictions in me! Happy about everything, but at the same time miserable, keen to be on the move, but at the same time yearning to settle.

For now my suitcase is empty and waiting for another opportunity.

At least it’s good that in my case all roads lead to London.)).